I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
