do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just found puke in my bra..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
