I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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