I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize