Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
