I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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