All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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