She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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