My friends, they love my intelligence
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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