he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
