How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
