Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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