Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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