turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
