Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
In America we eat man semen.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize