oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
