I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
