yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The adults are the big ones right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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