guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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