Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
