but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
