You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
