yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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