I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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