And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
