The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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