And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
