pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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