You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize