1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
