her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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