Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
