i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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