I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
