yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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