Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
