We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
