I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
