Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
