no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
