So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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