I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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