guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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