oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
