I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
