Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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