i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
