Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
