i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
