it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Send help, water and tortillas.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
