I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
