Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
