I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
