My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
