I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
