I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
