you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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