remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
