the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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