let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
