and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
