i was born a porn star she said
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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