genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
