So drunk its hurt
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
