you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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