You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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