on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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