Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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