every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
