my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
