i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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