Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
