woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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