dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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