the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
