ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
