I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
