Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
