1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
