Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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