tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
