im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
