I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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