Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This toilet bowl is my home.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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