Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
