just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
