if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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