Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
