im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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