Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
