I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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