After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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