he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
