he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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