here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
