I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
