is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
