and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
