roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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