So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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