you would pick up someone in the library
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize