i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
