yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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