I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
