Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There r osticjed everywhere
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize