how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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