if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize