none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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