I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
